Follow Your Passions

Often, the path to living a life you’re passionate about is built from certain single steps that many are unwilling or unable to take. There are many hurdles on the way to living our dreams, but the sad part is that most of them have been placed into existence by our minds, and thus we as individuals are the only ones ultimately capable of removing them (or at least getting around them).

You never know what taking one courageous leap of faith can do for your life. In the summer of 1999 a friend and I built a website where we were going to do all things entertainment related. Movie reviews, concert and music reviews, online comics, whatever – anything to try to seem legitimate enough to get free passes into movies and the occasional tee shirt or something. It was just a fun, goofy sort of thing we thought we’d try. I began downloading free MP3s from a website that had a bunch of emerging artists featured, and through a great deal of trial and error, I found a band I really enjoyed and wanted to review. More than that, I wanted to see if I could even get an interview. My first instinct was “What is the lead singer (who happened to also be attractive and female) going to want with a no one she has never met, I’ll never hear back.” But I took a leap of faith, and shot off an e-mail letting her know I really liked the music and wanted to interview her for the new website.

She wrote back, and agreed to an interview. Over time, we started writing back and forth and became pen pals. Soon we chatted on the phone, and by the following summer when I went out to California for a convention, we decided to meet up for coffee. I sat down with her, and we chatted for over three hours, and it was as though we had just always been the best of friends, meeting for just another of our big discussions about life and the world and our little spots in it. The next night I met her husband and the rest of her band, and hung out most of the evening chatting. The last day of the trip, I went to see them play a concert in Balboa Park in San Diego.

Now, keep following this, and remember – this all started with the decision to send that first e-mail even though I doubted I’d ever hear back. I had a feeling come over me on the drive back home to Arizona, and I shared with this new friend of mine that I felt like I was going to meet the girl I’d marry soon. A few weeks later, I did in fact meet the person I ended up marrying. You’ll think perhaps it was some sort of self-fulfilled prophecy, but I genuinely knew instinctually she was the one. I’ve been married blissfully to a woman who is a perfect compliment to me for well over five years now.

Fast forward to my final interviews for the company I currently work for (the job I am constantly inspired by and absolutely embodies the quote at the top of every page on this website). The people interviewing me consisted of some of the highest ranking individuals in the company, and I was in for a morning of meeting one-on-one with them as well as a big group presentation. This was a situation in which you certainly wouldn’t be faulted for being nervous, but I was able to remain comfortably calm. I had learned from my musician friend many years ago that rock stars, movie personalities, politicians, sports figures – all these people have in common that they are still ultimately just humans, like you and me. They have interesting jobs, but they are made of flesh and bone and have insecurities and wisdom just like everyone does.

That friend I e-mailed so many years ago for an interview is still whom I consider, outside of my wife and family, to be my best friend. I just had an hour long discussion this evening. Every time I get off the phone with her I’m inspired to do good things in life, and I have definitely learned a great deal of wisdom from her sharing her experience with me. I gained so much by that simple e-mail, that decision, that leap of faith. So when you see a chance, an opportunity, even when the odds are stacked somewhat against you or it seems like a long shot, think about what the worst that is likely to happen would be. Often, the worst is that nothing happens. The question, then, becomes “What have you got to lose?” Or the way I prefer to think of it, is to envision “What have I got to win?” The truth is, what you stand to gain from taking those little leaps of faith in life can be huge and literally catapult you to achieving your dreams.

“Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.”- Dale Carnegie

This weekend, Joel Osteen said something in his sermon that really stunned me, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot ever since. He pointed out that we feed our outer selves, our bodies, very regularly – many of us eat three squares a day, or certainly enough to sustain and nourish ourselves. In fact, we often eat more than we need, enjoying a bowl of chips or ice cream not because we need it but because we feel happy when we do. And yet when it comes to feeding our inner selves, our souls, our inner well being… we tend to often have “one cold snack a week”.

If you know you are going to face something you have difficulty with, or be exposed to a situation where a weakness of yours might rear its head, get yourself prepared for it. In the last post I talked about identifying your areas of opportunity – now let’s discuss a tactic for building those areas into something more positive and strong. Being prepared in advance for something you know you will struggle with in the near future can be your ticket to overcoming obstacles that an area within yourself you usually struggle with might create.

One of my biggest challenges is that I have a less than stellar memory. If I need to drop a letter off in the mail the next morning, I’ll be halfway down the freeway to work before I remember about it unless I set myself up for success ahead of time. My system is to leave the letter on the floor right in front of the stairs leading down to my garage. I literally can’t get out of my condo in the morning without seeing the letter on the ground. Post-it notes tend to find their way to the same place, or if it’s especially urgent to handle before I think about heading to work, I’ll post-it the milk in the refrigerator or the monitor of my computer.

Another thing I struggle with is my weight. I’m doing pretty well now, slowly losing pounds here and there and making healthier choices about my diet. But if there’s a counter at work with free cookies or cake on it, I know I’ll get snatched right up into that trap unless I’m prepared to do battle with it ahead of time. If I know we’re having a birthday celebration at the office I can guess cake will be involved, and that day I’ll bring a healthier alternative to enjoy while still celebrating with the group. Or, I’ll at least be mentally prepared so I only take a small piece of cake, and eat it slowly to enjoy the food and finish at the same time as the others (and then leave before I have seconds). I’ll have a talk within myself ahead of the event, about what is more important to me – eating a piece of cake, or living a healthy lifestyle so I can spend more happy years with my wife and doing the work I want to do while I’m here on the planet? It may not work exactly the same for others, but keep the big picture in your mind of why you want to change your bad habit, what’s in it for you if you overcome obstacles, and you’re on your way to success.

I think examples are important to hammer home a concept like this, so here’s one more. I am a very patient, calm, caring person, until you get me behind the wheel of my car. I have the potential to turn into The Incredible Grump when I’m on the road. I don’t swear any other time in my life than when I am driving, and I have my most negative thoughts about others when I’m behind the wheel. I get really indignant when people risk my life and theirs doing a crazy stunt so they can get to Starbucks two minutes earlier in the morning. But how I feel about those people, how I react in those situations, is often the opposite of how I try desperately to live my life the rest of the time. So I’m trying to be better about it, in baby step fashion. I have stopped swearing at people, and instead the only word I’m allowed to call them is “creep”. “Creep!” gives me some satisfaction, some release, but it also deflates me a lot more than going on a cursing spree would. And when people cut me off or pull some sort of crazy stunt, I don’t honk my horn at them to “teach them a lesson” anymore. It just gets them angry, or nervous, and likely creates a worse driver out of them for the next little while. Heck, it could put them in a worse mood that carries through their whole day and into their interactions with everyone else they come in contact with that morning. Instead, I simply smile at them and think about what a great day I’m going to have, or how wonderful my breakfast was, or some positive distraction to get my mind off of the negative.

Keep things around you that remind you of the positive in your life, and that will help you overcome your obstacles. On the wall as I walk out the door in the morning, there is a poster I made a few years ago that says “It’s a beautiful day, don’t let it get away.” It puts a great, cheerful song in my head in the morning quite often, at least for a few minutes, and gets me out to face the world with a better attitude. Because the fact is, it is a beautiful day. At least, it is if you allow it to be.

Hi folks, the main post for today is below. I just wanted to add an extra item this morning to share that I made the January donation to National Public Radio. It was a donation total of $35 (I kicked in a few bucks myself, least I could do to recognize your generosity last month).

Thanks! I’m excited to see what we can deliver to Maggie’s Place this month. Traffic to the site is up, and I’m very grateful and encouraged by how much of it is returning visitors.

Update: Gadzooks! Someone donated $50 today! People never cease to inspire me.

There is a adage about a chain only being as strong as its weakest link. Generally, this is being used to describe an individual within a group or team of some sort. However, it can also be applied to what is going on inside each one of us internally. As strong as we may be in many aspects of our lives, there may be things inside of us that we consider to be glaring opportunities for improvement. Figuring out how to overcome the parts of us that may be roadblocks to what we want to accomplish in life is a challenge. But before we face that challenge, we have to do something else – we have to identify and be aware of what those areas of opportunity are, and we have to desire to improve them.

Often, when someone is close to a subject, they have a hard time being objective. And the subject most of us are closest to is ourselves. In order to overcome this lack of objectivity, you would normally call in some sort of third party support to offer you a more objective opinion. This is what I suggest you do in order to better understand not just where you might have some need to grow, but also where your great strengths lie.

Go ask some trusted friends to do you the following favor (and offer to return it if you wish) – ask them to write down five strengths that you possess, and ask them to write them in order of how great the strength is. Then, either on a separate sheet of paper or preferably on the back of the same sheet, have them write down what they perceive your greatest opportunity is for growth. (Note – I’m purposefully not using the term “weakness” anymore because it’s negative and self-defeating, and what we are trying to do is positive and uplifting.) There is a school of thought that it takes five praises for each criticism we receive to have balance, because of how we take both things inside of ourselves and process them, hence the 5-to-1 ratio.

I think as you ask a few people to go through this exercise and gather a small body of data, some things will probably appear (they did for me). One, there will be some things that appear on your strengths list that are essentially the same as what someone else writes on your opportunities side. This just comes down to other people’s perceptions, and while valuable to be aware of and think about, is perhaps not something to concern yourself about. Two, there will likely be things that you already knew on both sides of the paper. However, there will also be those things that catch you by surprise, that you were unaware of. Things that others perceive in you as greatness whereas you never considered it any more than the way you go about your day. Things that are so natural to you, they aren’t things you are particularly conscious of. What I personally think is the most valuable, and the hardest to pry out of people sometimes, is something that you were completely unaware you were doing that is holding you back, or making you shoot yourself in the foot.

Often when these things are brought to light, you have one of two reactions. Either you have an “A-Ha” moment where light shed on it was all you needed in order to try to begin making things better. Oh, you have an “Oh no” moment where you have a hard time processing what has been brought to your attention, go into denial about it, or ignore it rather than trying to deal with it at that point. All very reasonable, natural reactions to have. We’ll talk about how to work through the harder things we struggle with in the next blog post.

Today was one of those days that was filled with amazing opportunities and successes, but leaves you exhausted at the end of it. I’m going into “relax” mode and sort of taking the weekend off from the blog. But if you are in the Phoenix area and heading to the FBR Open this weekend, I’ll be volunteering at one of the food tents on the 16th green. The money raised is going to Special Olympics, so stop by and say hi, and buy some of… whatever it is they have me sell.

See you Monday folks – some exciting stuff planned for next week. Don’t forget about our new charity for February, Maggie’s Place.

“The future influences the present just as much as the past.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The moment something occurs, it has occured. It’s not going to occur, it already has. That places it in the past. You can’t influence it, you can’t change it. Sometimes you can take action “in the now” to mend something that is broken, or affect a better situation for the future, but you can’t alter the fact that what was done, was done.

I know people, people I talk to every day, who spend a lot of time being concerned about things they have no ability to influence, because they were in the past. They had a “bad day” where many things didn’t go right, and they are spending their “now” fretting about it, being downtrodden about it. If I may be so bold, this is not a particularly productive approach to looking at the past.

Now, what I don’t mean to imply is there is no value in considering the past. There is a great deal we can learn from the past so that we can apply that knowledge to bettering our now and our future. Whereas you cannot influence the past, there is little else you can do with the future but to influence it so that when it influences you as it approaches your present, it does so in a way more in line with your passions in life.

Let me share a rule I live by. If you desire something more than everyone else combined desires the opposite, then your desire is significantly more likely to come to pass. By desiring it, you are influencing the future. But others can do the same. So your desire has to be strong, and it has to push you to take action in the now, learn what you need to and can from the past, and apply your desire as much as you are capable of to the future. Live this way, keeping a positive attitude while avoiding wasting energy on negative thoughts about things you have no ability to control (like the past), and you will find your future filled with more and more of the kinds of things you wish to reap.

Think about your day, and the people who are a part of it. I don’t just mean the ones you interact with on a regular basis or have formed some sort of relationship with. I’m talking about that girl up there in the front row of your class, and the guy with the graying beard sitting three cubicles down from you at work. I’m talking about the woman behind the counter at the convenience store you buy coffee from every morning. Yes, I’m even referring to the stranger driving by you in the other direction down the road you live on, the one you pass all the time on your way in and out from home.

Who are these people? What are their backgrounds? What can they do, what do they do, what are they passionate about? You don’t know? Then what’s stopping you from going up and asking them? You literally never know what sorts of things they might know that could directly impact your personal goals in huge ways, or what people they know who could be your next best friend, or accountant, or mail carrier. Think about all the things you know, all the people you know who have a lot of skill in different things – how might you be able to positively impact the right person’s life?

You’ll never know until you ask. If you’re a bit timid about going up to a stranger and introducing yourself, here’s how to get over that feeling: go up to a stranger and introduce yourself! Ask them a general question about who they are, what they do, let them know you’re just curious about them. People love to talk about themselves, so you won’t have to work too hard to get the door open so that your next encounter with that person will be easier and more fruitful. Do that a few times, and you’ll find meeting new people is remarkably easy. Sure, some people just want to be left alone, at least when you approach them, but I doubt they’ll do worse than just seem a bit preoccupied and wanting to get back to what they are doing. And that’s okay, you just move on to the next person for now.

Here’s a challenge to you: make it a habit, a goal, a true focus, to introduce yourself and ask a non-evasive question to one new person every day, just to get the ball rolling. “Hi, hey, I come in and buy coffee from you all the time but I’ve never introduced myself – my name’s Iain. Has it been a busy morning?” Next time you talk, maybe ask if they go to school, or maybe something they are wearing will give you a clue to a hobby or interest. they might end up not being someone you connect with, but they might hold the key to an important goal you’ve been working on.

Connecting with other makes us feel good. I think you’ll be surprised how positive an impact it would have on your own life if you did it more often. It may require you to get outside of your comfort zone a little, but let’s not assume that’s a bad thing.

First of all, I’m really excited that $30 has been donated in January to assist National Public Radio in continuing the incredibly inspirational work that they do. Today is the last day to donate for the NPR campaign, though if you want to have NPR or any of the other charities we give to come around again, please post a comment and I will be glad to make that happen.

For February, the charity I have chosen to collect for is Maggie’s Place, a home for expectant mothers who are alone or living on the streets. With help, hopefully these mothers can start by living their dreams of having healthy, successful children, and perhaps start following their other passions in life and find success, stability, and happiness in their future.

Have a charity you’d like featured in the FYP Give-O-Meter next month? Post a comment or drop me a line!

Do you feel like you are stuck? Are you doing something you’d rather not be doing? Do you wish you could quit smoking, but you can’t seem to quit lighting up? Want to lose weight, but everywhere you go there are temptations that are just too delicious to pass up?

Many times, the things we want to change about ourselves can be attributed to having bad habits. In order to move beyond those things in our lives we perceive as negative, we often have to break bad habits and often need to replace them with healthy ones. This is a fairly obvious statement I know, but it is not as obvious to our hearts and our willpower as it may be to our ability to process logic.

Somehow, we need to be able to tether ourselves to something that can get us through the hard part of breaking a habit, which is usually the first month or so of the process. Your mind has to be ready and willing to focus in a new direction, and keep focused on it so long that it becomes your new reality and your old reality seems nothing more than a part of your history (rather than your present or your future).

Something that works for me in times like this is to get a powerful visual image in your mind that represents not just your end goal, but actually includes the action of the struggle you will go through on your journey. There are some good examples of this I have used, but my favorite right now is the following:

Imagine what a rocket has to do in order to get into orbit. Before it gets more than a few inches off the ground, a great deal of energy has to be expended to get it moving in the right direction. Once it gets moving, things get slightly easier, but it still needs a lot of help to make its way up through the atmosphere. However, once it finally breaks through and escapes the atmosphere, things get a lot easier, and you can eventually rely on your momentum to keep you going.

The most well intentioned, supported person might get tripped up on the way though, if they don’t set themselves up for success ahead of time. Continuing the rocket metaphor, conditions have to be right for a launch to even be attempted – skies should be clear, planning and preparation should happen to make sure everything that needs to be in place is there. For someone trying to lose weight, this might involve avoiding the desk at work where everyone puts the cake and cookies they’re trying to get rid of from home (or, it might be going to that desk and bringing the brownies and cookies from home to share with everyone, rather than eating them yourself). For someone quitting smoking, this might be doing your research about what to expect in the days, weeks, and months to follow. Within a week or two of quitting, the nicotine withdrawls are done, and any urge you are feeling to light up is all in your head, all up to your willpower – and that makes it very possible to overcome! Another hard part is the social circles you are in when you smoke (who tend to be comprised of smokers) – to avoid worrying about those relationships weakening, plan events with them that don’t involve smoking, like lunch. You get the idea.

If you’re trying to get out of any bad habit you feel is having a negative affect on your life, whether it’s an attitude, an outlook, etc., feel free to comment or shoot me an e-mail for support. My inbox is always open.

I used to be a waiter in a restaurant (several, actually). I spent a lot of time in that job observing people, thinking about how I can serve them better so that they would leave me a better tip. After all, in Arizona the wage per hour for waiters and waitresses is $2.13, which essentially is enough to cover at least most of the taxes on the tips you earn. Usually.

One thing I discovered early on, which I have transferred into many other aspect of my life, is to set expectations accurately, and to do so as soon as possible. If a group came into the restaurant, were seated, and then I didn’t get to them to take their drink order for five or six minutes because I was swamped (”in the weeds” is the restaurant term for “swamped”), the customers would be very agitated when I got to them. This would not bode well for my tip. However, if I got to the table within a minute or two and just said “Folks, just want to let you know I’ll be with you shortly to get your drink order”, then they’d usually be quite fine with not getting their drink order five to seven minutes after they sat down. I managed their expectations appropriately, they felt acknowledged and not forgotten, and as long as there were no other problems with the service that evening, I was probably in line for a decent tip.

Nowadays, everyone talks about the forty hour work week in America as though it is an urban legend, continued by cruel people who want to set our expectations of corporate life in some way that is not in line with reality. True enough, many exempt employees work fifty, sixty, seventy hours a week – voluntarily! They say it’s good for their career, proves they’re team players, and you might as well get used to it now because it’s just how it is. I know people who work over eighty hours a week, and proclaim that if you want the job they have that’s just what you have to do.

If you want to work that many hours, and you’re just really passionate about your work, and that all fits in well with your perception of a quality work/life balance, then good for you – you found your place in the corporate biosphere. But I know more people who work tens of hours of overtime each week and then proceed to do nothing but complain about it. For years. They get up early in the morning, dreading to go to work. They work ten, twelve, fourteen hour days regularly and have an ambiance around them like they are martyrs, doing what’s best for the company at the expense of themselves so that they can further their career. Then, when they finally leave, they go home and complain about the day at work, and have little energy to do much more than watch television and go to sleep. Or, maybe, to log into work from home and check on things for a few hours.

Let me be so bold as to suggest that there may be a few questions you ought to ask yourself if you are in this boat, or more importantly, to consider carefully if you are thinking of getting into this boat.

- Are you working hard, or working smart?
- Does your manager know that you really don’t like working this many hours?
- Do you live to work, or work to live?
- Would you prefer a work/life balance, or a life/work balance?
- Have you managed your employer’s expectations accurately?

I’m not saying forty hour work weeks across the board is going to be realistic in today’s corporate environment in America. But by setting people’s expectations to be that you are going to work smartly, diligently, and passionately during the hours you are at work, in order to work less hours and spend your evenings and weekends happy and enjoying your life outside of work (enjoying the fruits of your labor), you can probably find a happy medium somewhere between forty hours a week and where you are today. When you find it, stick to it. You’ll be a much happier worker, which translates into increased productivity, could boost the morale of those around you, and will improve the quality of your time outside of work.